And then... they tied her to the railroad tracks

If you're too young to know what the title means, I'll be too depressed to explain. :) Let's just say, to me, it means when a terrible event happens in your life over which you have no control.

When I was a very little girl, I was very outgoing. I could sing and play piano in church by age seven. I was in school talent contests for the first four years I attended school. In second grade, when I was just six, for talent contest, I dressed like a French woman with a tight skirt with a split up the side, high chunky heels, a red top and a dark beret on my head. I sang and danced (on top of a piece of luggage we called 'suit cases' in those days) to this song.

Sentimental Journey

I won. In the third grade, I danced to 'April Showers' with three friends, and we won second place. We danced while twirling paper umbrellas and wearing pink ballerina shoes with white dresses.

April Showers

In the fourth grade, I did a recitation -- the words of Mary, Queen of Scott's before she died. I won second place.

I use to tap dance on top of our dining room table to a song called 'Hadacol Boogie' and friends of the family would throw quarters at my feet.

Hadacol Boogie by Jerry Lee Lewis

I was a happy, smiling, fun-loving kid. Then tragedy struck. I know that sounds melodramatic, but it's true. Awful things happened to me and my brothers and life was never the same.

While I continued to play piano and sing at church (with my cousin, Pam and more of an obligation than anything else), I never again entered any contest, became very much an introvert, and very studious. A 'brainy brat' they called me. I graduated second in my class (I did make a short salutatorian speech at graduation but did not look up once). I didn't come out of this 'funk' for many years.

What happened to me wasn't all that unusual but, for me, it was life altering. I've often wondered if it was my 'destiny' or if it was my destiny 'altered.' Was it God's plan or God's plan altered? At the time, I thought that I had to 'take control of things' to avoid another 'incident.' I thought my destiny was in my hands. After all, the Bible said 'we had to choose' our destiny or I thought that was what it said. I believed I had to be ever vigilant, that somehow I had 'allowed' the incident to happen, that it was 'my fault.'

I have learned a lot about life and destiny, mostly that I have little or no control over it all. I think we do make choices and suffer (or enjoy) the consequences of them but ultimate destiny belongs to God. I believe we choose how we react to events. I could have allowed the 'incident' to ruin my life or even have ended my life because of it. Instead, I chose to gather up what was left of me and get on with it, that is, get on with life.

I eventually finished school, went to college, met a great guy, became a mother and lived life as best I could. I never turned my back on God nor did He abandon me. But life was different. Do you think things happen to alter God's plans or were they His plans all along? I find it difficult to believe that He preferred the sad, studious, shy girl to the lively, spirited girl I was but maybe so. What do you think?

Me, in fifth grade. There's a flaw in this photo, I did not have a dent in my forehead although I felt that way sometimes. :) I call this my Franenstein phase. lol

Ecc. 9:11 says "I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all."

This means to me: Happeneth to them all - Every man has what may be called time and space to act in, and opportunity to do a particular work. But in this time and opportunity there is 'incident,' what may fall in; and occurrence, what may meet and frustrate an attempt. These things should be wisely weighed, and seriously balanced; for those four things belong to every human action. While you have time, seek an opportunity to do what is right; but calculate on hinderances and oppositions, because time and opportunity have their incident and occurrence.

My life was different after age ten but no less precious. Ecc. 9:4 says something like 'it is better to be a live dog than a dead lion.' I don't know what my life would have been like without the the 'incident' but it has been worth living. I learned things from what happened that caused me to be much more compassionate, kind and loving than I would have been otherwise. Do I wish I had not had the 'incident?' Yes, if for nothing else but to know how I would have 'turned out.' Perhaps I would have been a vain person with nothing but trifles accomplished. Perhaps not? I wonder if God will let me know some day.

Back to this world I now occupy, I am content. With what I was given, I believe I've done my best. I have called upon God since I was seven years old and I found Him and He has held me in his loving arms. As Psalm 23 tells me, I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen.

Jer. 29:11-13 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

As always,